Op-Ed: Naturally, an Aussie is the voice of GPS

Australia’s desperate efforts to civilize the world have borne some fruit in the form of the voice behind the GPS. New York based Karen Jacobsen is the person telling you where to go, as many Aussies often will. Karen’s just a bit more tactful.

The GPS voice comes from Queensland and works as a voiceover, a combination of events which would be unusual in Australia, where we’re just learning you’re supposed to talk to the Queensland people, not just the bananas they bend. Apparently the GPS folks wanted a “rounded Aussie accent", from a native Aussie, living in the north east of the US. Ms. Jacobsen fits all those characteristics, and a voice was born. It should be noted by foreign readers that the new Australian experimental version of the GPS is somewhat less urbane, mainly for cultural reasons. It’s been discovered that Australian drivers respond well to comments on their likely futures and ancestry, particularly on the road in peak hour in Sydney, and a new system is being tried out which will incorporate numerous Australian cultural references: “You are now parked 20 metres up the side of a building. We look forward to helping you in your next incarnation.” “The gum tree with which you are now colliding is bigger, smarter, and better looking than you are.” “200kmh 800 degree Celsius bushfires have the right of way.” “The area in which you are now traveling is the Pacific Ocean. Turn left for Tonga, and right to give the Kiwis a laugh.” “There is no such place as Canberra. Ignore. There is no such place as Canberra. Ignore. There is no such place as Canberra. Ignore.” “The TAB (a betting agency) is interested in your chances of finding a parking spot in King Street before Doomsday. SMS if you’d like to place a bet.” “You are driving an unregistered beer bottle up the sails of the Sydney Opera House. Turn right to meet fascinated police, left to meet irritated musicians.” “Congratulations, you’ve discovered Australia!” It’s anticipated that these new features will eventually encourage many Australian motorists to go where we’ve been telling them to go for centuries.