Op-Ed: Celeb look-alikes selling point at Los Angeles sperm bank

If your ego is such that you’d rather have a baby that looks more like George Clooney, Brad Pitt or Mark Harmon than the schlub you’re married to, then California Cryobank is the place for you to go sperm donor hunting.

In a grand announcement borne of the designer baby boom, California Cryobank said it has begun to post photos of celebrities who resemble their donors in an effort to give clients a better idea of what their future offspring might look like.

"The number one client question we get is: `Who does this donor look like?"' said Scott Brown of California Cryobank. "We decided this would be a great way to give thorough and consistent answers. Clients love it. Look-a-Likes has only been available for a week and our Web site traffic is up 50 percent."

Of course, there are no guarantees, but sperm bank clients have consistently looked for donors with certain physical or mental attributes. Brown added:

…the sperm bank is choosy, accepting fewer than 1 percent of people who apply to be donors. The screening process includes genetic testing, regular blood tests, a three-generation family medical history, and a sperm count/quality in the top 15 percent of the population.

It took employees approximately six months putting together a scrapbook of donors, he said. Since genetics and nature have a way of doing what they want in spite of man’s interference, throwbacks to previous generations aren’t unusual and suddenly a red-headed kid can pop out from apparently nowhere causing a family to shake their brunette heads. There are no guarantees, even for natural parents that their progeny will resemble them in any way what-so-ever. Just take a look at stars and their real children. In some cases there’s a family resemblance, but in others you’d never know that a child was the spawn of that star. There’s a vague resemblance between Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson. The same for Michael Douglas, son of Kirk. But I’m hard pressed to see any likeness between Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez and their father, Martin Sheen. The most important thing is to prepare yourself to be disappointed that, that baby -- if it's a boy -- doesn't grow up to look your dreamboat, but don’t be so disappointed that you want to return the kid and demand a refund. What happens if someone has a girl that's a carbon copy of Hulk Hogan? Like anything else in life, it’s a crap shoot. You pays yer money and takes yer chances,