Op-Ed: Two Endangered Species

Two species face the threat of demise, one is the Western Pika and it lives primarily in the Great Basin areas of Nevada and Utah.

Two species in the Western United States are in trouble. One is having a difficult time with the Glo-Bull Warming caused by AlGoreacle's unconcerned over use of his utilities both gas and electric in his mega mansion. The Western Pika is a wee bit of a small furry critter which lives on the upper slopes of mountains on the Left Coast and is being chased further and further up the slopes to find cooler weather. As is the case with every mountain on the planet, if one travels uphill far enough, long enough one will eventually begin travelling downhill when you reach the top and go over to the other side. Something of a losing proposition for the wee bit of fur, who can't jump on a plane and go to the Swiss Alps. Oh well. According to Donald Grayson, a University of Washington archaeologist the Pikas used to live at 5,700 feet elevation in Nevada and Utah in the Great Basin before the advent of the Mega SUV and Mondo-Limousines such as the ones AlGoracle and Larry King ride around in.. But since Larry King began using his limo 40,000 years ago and started polluting the plane,t the poor little furry Pikas have had to move up to 8,000 feet. With the Pikas living at 8,000 feet already, they don't have anywhere elas to go. So only two reasonable options are left for us the humans to take care of the problem. Option #1) We can use a few trillion dollars of the third and fourth Stimulus Packages as written by a low level functionary at the Treasury Dept. for Timmy Geithner to begin a truly massive rebuilding of the mountain ranges to give them a "Peak Lift" and add a few thousand feet to the tippy top altitude. That would give the poor little furry Pikas a few more years to survive on their own while we try to talk sense to AlGoracle and Larry King to give up the SUV 's and Limo's with the hope that Larry King won't actually live for another five or six centuries. Option #2) A massive Federal Employment Program to round up all the cute little furry Pikas (should take about 10,000 people ten years to find them all) and once we have all of the cute little furry Pikas safely in an Earth Ark, all interested persons can bring in the Webber Grilles and we can have huge FFPPE (Federally Funded Pika Picinic Extravaganza) -BYOB. The other highly endangered species is Mankind. As one of that species I vote for the Option # 2 above. The absolute idiocy of people like Earthjustice, Earth First, Sierra Club, Green Peace, Earth Liberation Front et al places all of us at risk. So... I hereby suggest another Massive Federal Program. All of the "people" who are endangering Humankind such as Earthjustice, Siewrra Club ELF et al should also be rounded up and be included in the FFPPE program. Soylent Green could become the way to save the burgeoning populations of Aid Dependent People in Darfur, Western and Eastern Africa, Haiti and all the folks livin' in the 'hood in Chicago. Now that I have proposed a reasonable solution, I'm off to clean my grille. be happy from the inside out today.