The Roxana Saberi
Hostage Crisis, Week Three and Counting. And Counting. And Counting...
By this time, fully realizing that the Islamist
Iranian Thugocracy is playing with us like a toy over Roxana Saberi (and playing with Roxana a
LOT worse), and having had the only two olive branches extended to Iran
slapped violently out of his hand, our President should realize the futility of the situation and react with stronger words and sterner measures.
Like the aforementioned
Stealth flyovers of Iran's capitol. Sends a message. Nobody gets hurt. Yet. You know. That sort of
thing.
Yet our President is
notably silent on this matter, when Roxana should be his primary concern given the situation. Perhaps he still honestly believes the hollow
hostage-
takers' words.
Perhaps, even, like our former
hostage-bound president, James Earl Carter, Mr. Obama is vacillating and fretting as to what to do, what to do about Roxana Saberi as her mental condition deteriorates. We got air forces on both sides of Iran! They're right there! Wouldn't even have to waste much fuel. Just a buzz cut.
Send 'em a message. They'll get it. They send messages like that all the time! Worse,
even.
Oh, well. Okay-yy. We'll do it the liberal Democrat
Way. Let's cut a deal with the bastards if it means getting the extremely distraught Roxana Saberi back home. Here are your Humble Narrator's astute proposals and suggestions in that regard.
Proposal #1. Since the Iranian Thugocracy is most interested in seeing its billions of US-frozen
assets back, I say okay. IF they're willing to do an armed-to-the-teeth, middle-of-the-desert trade at the Iran-Iraq border. I don't trust them, do you? Anyway, they get the briefcase, we get Roxana the hell out of Dodge. Then we drop an equal value amount of ordnance on Iran's ministries, government offices, military and nuclear facilities for blackmailing us over Roxana. You know. A
Matching Plan. Sounds fair to me!
Might want to hit a few of those Iranian terrorist
training camps as well. They've
earned it. More
than.
Proposal #2. Obviously, we can't send President Obama to Evin prison. That is the ONE thing the American Left would ever go to war over. Not Roxana,
mind you. Just him. But if the Iranians want a US President in exchange for Roxana Saberi, I say we send
Jimmy Carter. Not only can they make him a hostage, they can make him a
General!
Proposal #3. We trade
the eerily silent Madame Secretary Clinton for Roxana. Rather than beat or stone Madame Secretary, as Iran's misogynist leaders may be wont to do, I would suggest to Iran's extremists that they keep our
SOS around for amusement. You know. Let her go with all that full Hillary
rage, so they can laugh at the fact there were once men in the Great Satan who actually lived in terror of her. Not only that, she can
blame the United States for Mexican drug cartel violence (rather than, say, the drug cartels themselves), from
Stooge TV in Tehran. They'll LOVE it! Food for thought. Deal to consider.
Proposal #4. Should Proposals #1, #2 or #3 not tickle the Iranians' fancies, I hereby place
Oscar Gold on the table:
Stooge Team Hollywood. They're right there! In fact, they
LOVE it there! Not only that, if the Iranians can hold and squeeze
The Nine Stooges like the Mob used to hold and squeeze
counterfeiters before dumping them into Lake Michigan, they can really get those Iranian
kids' martyrdom and
president-stabbing puppet shows to really SHINE! Iran
exports that stuff now, you know.
Think of how DreamWorks and Pixar-quality animation will expand
Martrydom Productions' market!
As a superior-firepower
diplomat, I believe my four proposals to today's
Third Reich in Iran are more than fair. I just want to get Roxana back, before she goes either totally batshite from their mental torture or, worst of all, dies in Evin prison from it all. How long could you stand having the trigger to an empty gun pointed at YOUR head pulled? Get the idea? That's who they
ARE! Not the freedom-loving Iranian people. The freedom-crushing,
blogger-
killing Islamist
extremist regime. Hell, they're even exterminating
gays as
we speak! I could go to war with them right now just for that, and I'm straight!
Which brings up the Old Fashioned
Way. Iran has tormented us as a nation for thirty long
hellish years, Now they torment us yet again today with the
unlawful detention of Roxana Saberi. When do we stop it?
Right now, my main concern is getting Roxana Saberi the hell out of Hell, and right now.
The contact pages. Again. For the THIRD straight week!
Here's the
White House. Here's the
State Department. Here's
Congress.
Feel free to thank and rally even further Roxana's true
BFFs NPR,
ABC, the
BBC and the
CPJ.
Speaking of which, the
Invisible Press: the
New York Times,
CNN,
FOX,
NBC,
CBS, and
AP.
Given the gravity of the situation, shouldn't this be a 24-hour news coverage item now? You tell me!
Lastly, not for me, but for Roxana, ALWAYS for Roxana, please email this update and contact info far and wide. Pirate what you will. This is not journalism. It is a
PSA.
FREE ROXANA SABERI! NOW! LIKE RIGHT NOW! GET HER HOME AND OUT OF HELL!!!
Fargo ND graduates yearbook
Roxana Saberi, free lance journalist for the BBC, Fox News, National Public Radio and other Western news outlets, has been arrested in Iran, her father confirms.
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