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Op-Ed: Silly Sex Laws Give Rise to Laughter

By Sandy Sand     Mar 21, 2009 in Lifestyle
This is a fun one, and up front, I have to give credit to Thom Hartmann, who I heard read off this list of silly sex laws on his radio show, and was immediately able to find the list with a super quick Google search.
Most of us know that there are laws on the books dating back to before we became the USA. Some are really silly, some are down right dumb, while others don’t come close to applying to anything regarding our modern lives, yet they remain on the books and are still enforceable.
Collectively, Blue Laws, orginated in the Colonial era, and were designed to regulate Sunday activities and morals. Some of the bluest of the blue were enumerated by Phil Dotree in an article in Health and Wellness.
To preface his list of silly sex laws, Dotree said:
Sex is silly. It really is.
Even sillier in light of how humankind has tried to repress its own sexuality since, well, pretty much the birth of civilization. America's been one of the worst offenders. Here are some dumb-ass sex laws, complete with the dumb-ass cities and states they’re from.
The opinions and comments after each law are mine.
Utah has one encompassing law that should make it unnecessary to have any other sex laws, which means they might as well build a wall around the Beehive State, making it one huge jail for the entire population, because adultery, oral and anal sex and masturbation are considered sodomy and imprisonment can result in committing any of those acts.
That not being enough for Utahans, in the town of Tremonton, they have a law making it illegal to have sex while in an ambulance. Even if it’s a dying request?
Colorado has a law that says there shall be no kissing a sleeping woman. That must mean no playing Sleeping Beauty or hungry kids kissing mom to waken her rather than rudely jumping on the bed.
In San Francisco, California, prostitutes are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50. In today’s economy when everyone is looking for a bargain, that would be a boon for any working girl lucky enough to have a client with more than that in his pocket.
In Connorsville, Wisconsin, no man can shoot off a gun while his female (note the emphasis on female) partner is in the middle of an orgasm. Whoa! You’re on you own with this one.
It might get the horses all hinky in the Bay State, therefore there shall be no having sex with a rodeo clown in Massachusetts if a horse is present. They have rodeos in Massachusetts?
Oh my god, no! There shall be no cursing while having sex with one’s wife in Willowdale, Oregon. I hope Sally of When Harry Met Sally salacious fame doesn't hear about that one.
Here’s one to prickle the imagination. In Florida it is illegal to have sex with a porcupine. Ouch! It hurts to think how they even came up with that one.
In Merryville, Missouri, there a law prohibiting women from wearing corsets, because -- and get this -- because in The Show Me state, "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male." Ha! Must have been written by a man who never stuffed his girth into a girdle.
And in Arkansas, condoms can only be sold by physicians and other medical practitioners. If Arkansas is as cash-strapped as every other state, they can start fining all the drug and convenience stores for selling them.
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This opinion article was written by an independent writer. The opinions and views expressed herein are those of the author and are not necessarily intended to reflect those of
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