As most of you know, we Jews have our own holiday around this time of year that is just as flimsy a pretext for showering each other with gifts and basking in wondrous commercialism (eat your hearts out, Buddhists). But I never get what I really want.
Ah, the holidays, a time for joy, revelry, massive credit card debt, and the predictable exchange of gifts among friends and families. And while I have never sat around a Christmas tree opening present after present, leaving a mountain of red and green paper in my wake as I ravage each carefully wrapped treasure, I am lucky enough to celebrate Hannukah, a holiday that may not be the saving grace of capitalism, but is still good for the odd trinket or gift certificate. But alas, not even Jesus and Ted Rogers rolled into one could give me what I hopelessly wish for every year: those glorious, rust-brown, frizzlocks known the world over as the Jew 'Fro.
Historians disagree over the exact origin of the now-stylish coiffe, though there is general consensus that Jews in Germany during the restoration used their natural frizziness to blend into the shrubbery of the Black Forest as a means of evading rampaging Lutherans looking for converts. The earliest written reference to the Jew 'Fro appears in an obscure 17th century treatise by a Dutch rabbi, who interpreted the erectness of the hairstyle as reaching out to God, thus confirming that the Jews are indeed the chosen people. Though this theory never gained traction, by the late 19th century diaspora Jews throughout Europe looked upon the 'Fro with a measure of quiet reverence.
The first half of the 20th century saw a decrease in popularity for the intriguing hairdo, caused mainly by ubiquitous military conscription and the popularity of the fedora and bowler hat. However, this trend was reversed with the establishment of the State of Israel and a boom in the Kibbutz movement therein. Members of these agricultural-socialist communities displayed their Jew 'Fros with pride, and it quickly became a symbol of hope within the young nation.
It was not until the 1960s, and the release of Bob Dylan's 1966 album 'Blonde on Blonde', that the Jew 'Fro became popular among gentiles. The album cover, a portrait of Dylan defiantly brandishing his gloriously mangled locks, unleashed the hairstyle onto the world in a torrent of curly brown hair. Before long, prominent musicians and artists on both sides of the pond were proudly sporting their 'Dylan curls', including Tim Buckley, Syd Barrett, and even Jimi Hendrix, who was not, as many believe, wearing an afro, but a distinct Jew 'Fro.
Today, the Jew 'Fro is worn proudly by those who are blessed to carry on its wonderful tradition. Sadly, it is my lot in life that I have not been chosen; my hair is wavy, and merely dangles at my shoulders in unspectacular mockery of my lamentation. And while I know it is not meant to be, am I to be blamed for hoping that maybe, just maybe, I will wake up on Hannukah morning (whichever one, it doesn't matter), and discover that I have grown two inches of lustrous, chaotic entanglement? But I can no longer hope, for year after year of disappointment has chased away what little faith I ever had. Nevertheless, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and a wonderful whatever else.
