Opinion: Why Christians and Jews cannot vote for McCain: God hates Sarah Palin

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When McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate, most non-republicans celebrated. How can anyone chose someone like this? No genuine experience, no proven knowledge, a Bible believer, and a creationist to boot. One can't sink much lower than this, even in politics. But, she did have one strength: she certainly looks cute, a beautiful application of the old adage "Sois belle et tais-toi". This simple fact, in combination with a carefully prepared speech and her backward superstitions led to a renewed enthusiasm in the republican party and, initially, fear in the democratic party. Joe Biden, after all, doesn't really have these tremendous qualities. Just look at him.

The trend seems to be changing however, The Obama ticket is picking up steam. I couldn't really figure out why, for a while. Sure, Obama is well-educated, his knowledge is extensive. Joe Biden is experienced. It is clearly the superior ticket. But most Americans are usually not particularly interested in such sordid evidence of superiority.

Americans prefer more objective evidence, such as who wears the highest heels (Sarah), who has the best-looking glasses (Sarah), who has the shortest skirt (Sarah), who wears the biggest flag pin (Sarah), who believes in ancient, bronze-age myths (Sarah), and other such very important facts.

But why then, why oh why is the McCain ticket sinking away? It took me a while, but I think that I have now found the answer: God does not like Sarah Palin. What?! Isn't she a God-fearing, even Creationist believer? That can't be! Yes, it can. Sarah Palin does not qualify, in God's eyes. How do I, who has the reputation of being a staunch atheist know that? Surely, I can't know God's feelings? Yes, I can. The Bible is God's word, yes? Therefore, all I have to do is look in the Bible. And so I did:

Proverbs 6, 12-14
A naughty person, a wicked man, walketh with a froward mouth.
He winketh with his eyes, he speaketh with his feet, he teacheth with his fingers;
Frowardness is in his heart, he deviseth mischief continually; he soweth discord.
Therefore shall his calamity come suddenly; suddenly shall he be broken without remedy.

Proverbs 10, 10
He that winketh with the eye causeth sorrow: but a prating fool shall fall.

Wisdom of Jesus Son of Sirach 27, 22
He that winketh with the eyes worketh evil: and he that knoweth him will depart from him.

So there you have it, Christians and Jews are slowly migrating towards the Obama ticket because God hardens their hearts in spite of them, and moves them away from the McCain ticket and the wicked Sarah Palin.

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Reference: Bible, King James version