Consumers are running scared, and with good reason. As jobs collapse and credit becomes a Utopian dream, the domestic budget is an endangered species, like the dinosaurs. It’s already extinct, it just hasn’t got the details sorted out yet.
“The last few days have devastated the American consumer,” said Walter Loeb, president of Loeb Associates, a consultancy, who said he worried that the constant drumbeat of negative news about the economy was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. “They all feel poor.”
…Even Apple, maker of the iPhone, is not immune as concerns mount about consumer electronics. The stock of Apple ended the week down 19 percent after two stock analysts suggested that the rapid cooldown in consumer spending would put an end to the company’s hot sales streak.
Some prophecy. Apparently the blindingly obvious is still a little difficult for hard nosed interpretation in national media. Or maybe they just haven't come up with a nice word for super-colossal systemic screwup. Anything that can shut up cell phone users has to be serious. They don’t even know they’re alive, most of the time. If they do, it doesn’t seem to make a lot of difference, usually.
In terms of American history, it’s a bit like the Revolutionary War in reverse. Having won the war, you wind up back in Valley Forge.
Maybe the Dust Bowl would be a closer analogy, at least in terms of economic thinking. The sheer conceptual infertility of this situation, economically, is really impressive. Nobody’s talking about how to get a recovery underway, except in the broadest possible terms, like tax relief and stimulus packages. That’s a bit like curing a drought by hoping it will rain, in practical terms.
At the risk of quoting myself, “Everything is normal, until proven expensive.”
“Expensive” is the new four letter word, containing a curse and a threat. The curse is pretty apt. Price structures based on the fatuous formulaic fantasies of the past aren’t likely to do too well. The threat is that those prices are supposed to hold up industries.
(Pauses to swipe soapbox, continues)
Clearly, a new society must be built.
Yes, change, my friends, and change for the small change that’s left after the current change changed everything.
Even the terminology must change. In commerce, numbers can now be used for descriptors, because let’s face it they’re not going to be used for much else. You could use a new code for obtaining goods and services:
One if by hand
Two if by coupon
Three if by broadminded, bent, wholesaler
The real joy will be the food. This will change society.
As the Land of the Free becomes the Land of the Possible Discount, people in the financial sector who used to spend hours discussing lunch and fashion may have to go downmarket.
Cardboard, lawns, billboards, cell phones, and sidewalks are edible.
Foot long subs can be eked out for a few months, if you still have batteries for the calculator or an abacus that’s not in hock.
Then there’s squalor. This elusive commodity has previously been the realm of a privileged few, but now, with a bit of dynamic executive power groveling, it can be yours.
“A few whimpers can be your passport to all your squalor related needs,” as they used to say back in ancient times in July.
Squalor isn’t just spiritual. You can own it, rent it, or even borrow it.
It’s a sellers market, though, so be quick. If you’re really top class, you may even learn how to institutionalize it, and become famous for your social innovation.
To the people on the receiving end of this gigantic jerkoff, all sympathy, get well soon.
To the people who caused it, welcome to hell.
Opinion: The joys of being broke, neo-American style, and a few suggestions
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