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Op-Ed: The Compulsory Media Lesbian, tabloid media buys a crock

By Paul Wallis     Sep 23, 2008 in Entertainment
I’m sure I’m not the only one looking for actual news under the tedious non-information heap created by the U.S. presidential election. But spare a thought for the poor mainstream media, stuck with counterfeiting lesbians. Hack City strikes again.
For those who don’t know the formula, in any media visual product, you move from the original idea through the following stages:
- Character romances
- Road accidents
- Diseases
- Weddings
- Divorces
- Hospital scenes
- Deaths
- Births
- Anything someone’s contract dispute requires
From then on you’re scraping for material. Continuity goes out the window, and you have to work with innuendo.
Sexual tension, which is assumed by marketers to be present when any two vertical objects are in the same shot, is the key to success.
It equates to “We don’t have a storyline, but we do have close-ups and 42 minutes to work with.”
Even that level of innovation doesn’t work for long, unless you’re working with kids who can’t actually get out of the house.
Enter the Compulsory Lesbian. This is where the bottom of the barrel has fallen out, and the series or product is falling to bits. Ally McBeal, after it started being run by wardrobe, and The OC, after they ran out of camera angles, introduced the dreaded unmentionable lesbian kiss.
Both series still got canned a year or so later, but it was the only way these shows could get publicity after massive overkill destroyed the ratings. Generally speaking when the Compulsory Lesbian appears, the show’s already dead.
Now the music industry and celebrity industry have discovered lesbianism. Katy Perry, with her song I Kissed A Girl, is now working on meaningful photo ops for publicity. One of her pics is of her in a 1940s swimsuit and hat. Nothing like being in touch with the real world.
Apparently there’s someone called Megan Fox, whose publicity is working largely below the navel, and whose sole topic of conversation is sex, but no more than 100 words at a time, if that. Fox got three plugs on the Daily Telegraph front page.
The tabloids have turned into pitiful publicists. The UK formula in the Daily Mail is the standard.
The joke is that the publicists now seem to think the tabloids are the way to publicize. That’s lowered the standard considerably.
Now we have the fascinating spectacle of arguably the world’s least relevant media, working with the world’s least competent publicists, publicizing the world’s least interesting people as pseudo lesbians.
Not that anyone gives a damn about a dead medium, but is there any real question where mainstream media’s brains are located?
God only knows what real lesbians think of this Styrofoam sex, but I have a feeling that any of these anatomically incessant Borebie Dulls would run like hell if they ever met one.
For those that don’t know, there’s only one kind of lesbian musician: good ones.
They don’t do music like that, except as a joke.
This opinion article was written by an independent writer. The opinions and views expressed herein are those of the author and are not necessarily intended to reflect those of
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