Countdown to EuroVish: Camp, Chaos, Controversy and the UK Coming Last

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It is undoubtedly the most over to the top, political bash of the year as 25 countries in Europe battle it out for the first place. With almost four hours of solid, uninterrupted glamour, trash and titillation (of which there seems to be heaps this year) we find ourselves in the UK, like any year, booing and hissing at not being voted for without so much of a sorry.

The newest edition to the European extravaganza has come in the form of two semi finals which have lasted two days during this week. We had delighted ourselves in watching the very worst get the push from the judging public (UK viewers could not vote at all in the first night of the semi finals) yet the final contest this year should prove to be slightly more interesting if not full out in the UK's favour completely as we witness the possible end of the evils of "block voting."

The continent had been divided by an ever strengthening wall splitting Europe practically down the middle separating those on the left from those on the right (including the UK.) In previous years and mostly within the last ten years, it had become the unwritten law to vote for your neighbour - Ireland always coming up trumps and giving us Brits at least double figures when it came to saying Hello to Dublin.

Yet the reasons for this block bashing has been for more reasons financial rather than political - with the UK being a part of the Big Four (the countries who make the contest humanly possible - or to the rest of us - the ones who cough up the most money) automatically get a place in the final and jump the queue in the way through the semi finals rather like a private patient jumping ahead of the all the other NHS ones. Those who were once part of Russia or the Soviet Union (depending in what era you were born in) have now spilt up in several different countries - those next door to each other tend to give each other the most points, or in this case, 12 being the maximum. When it comes to the Greek Islands, Cyprus (out this year) Malta, Greece and Turkey tend to stick together (safety in numbers) as well as the Nordics backing each other up (Sweden, Denmark, Norway etc) making their chances a little more than a slight nudge. All this means that lonesome UK get to lean on no one and in particular because of the anti-eurovish chant this year from Dustin the stuffed turkey went gobble gobble flop flop in the semi's we find ourselves even more out in the cold, and more like standing too close to the open freeze door.

There really is no hope for who I think is our best ever contender for the UK, Andy Abraham and his band of talented musicians - a soul classic before it's even hit the record shops or even iTunes, Andy is standing well in the fact that the song "Even If" which is our entrant this year also happens to be a single from his new album - as far as he is concerned, he has a captive audience and tends to use the night to promote is own music venture and forget about actually trying to win the contest at stake.

Even so, we are rooting for him, yet the biggest complement so far in the run for the trophy was from heavy metal legends from Finland who look more like Judas Priest who said they were going to cheer for our former dustbin man, Andy (and this band, incidentally were asked by a UK reporter, "..are you just simply Lordi without the rubber..." Lordi being Finland's winner a couple of years back.) You can count yourself lucky that you are in Canada watching from the outside.

In the meantime, many a Brit has out already the nibbles and the supermarket wine on the coffee table awaiting the biggest and most definitely, annual beating on the singing stakes from those across the Channel. We don't mind and with regard to the actual taking part being the real accolade as opposed to wining idea, we have to say that the latter, we would more likely feel the need to go and take a lie down than actually celebrate our success.

In the immortal words of our BBC mentor for the night, Sir Terry Wogan,

"...If we finish nowhere again, I worry that disenchantment might take hold...."

I have to disagree, it is where us Brits feel the most comfortable,

coming last.......



Sweden, just for the record, is the favourite to win this year in the 53rd contest which will be shown on BBC1 at 2000 BST

....wish us luck....