Death is for the Living

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What would happen if you died today? How would your death impact your family, your friends, your neighbors, co-workers, and those who barely knew you? Their lives would be in a sudden tail-spin handling all the details that go along with death, and you…well, you would be dead. That’s because death is for the living.

Several days ago, my husband’s cousin, a man in his mid-40’s, died suddenly and unexpectedly while out of the country. He had some manageable health issues, but forgot to bring his medication on his trip. When his health suddenly took a turn for the worse, he was unable to tell the doctors what medications he was on, and his doctor could not be reached. For lack of information, the doctors were unable to offer him treatment or relief quickly enough, and he died of a heart attack a short time later.

This week, a mother who has lost her only son has been forced to deal with her overwhelming grief, along with all the responsibilities of arranging his funeral. He was a young man, so there was never any discussion about where he wanted to be buried, what his burial wishes were, or if he had any last wishes to be carried out. Sisters and aunts have dropped everything to assist in any way possible during this time of loss. Extended family members have rearranged work schedules, asked for time off, and made travel plans to be pay their last respects. My family is making room for other out-of-town family members to come and stay with us – there’s cleaning and shopping to be done. Practical matters, like who will be stay and watch the children while the adults attend the services? An uncle worried his only suit no longer fits and that he can’t afford a new suit to pay his respects to his nephew’s funeral.

If you died today, would your family know what to do? Have you made burial arrangements, put your wishes in writing, and placed the information in a large folder or file marked, “OPEN UPON MY DEATH”? It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, how great or terrible your health…each of us is guaranteed to die at some time. Your folder can be updated and changed as many times as you wish…until it’s too late.

If you died today, are there things that will be found that will leave a stain or question mark on your memory? Do our loved ones deserve to find out some ugly secret without the benefit of an explanation? Is that secret really worth the pain it might cause if you died today?

It occurred to me that my husband wouldn’t know about the second bank account where I squirrel away money to pay for our big ticket purchases. He doesn’t know the passwords to all the bills I pay online. Or that there’s an extra $100 in the checking account for emergencies.

But more importantly, does your family know how much you love them? Have you told a close friend how much they really mean to you? Have you thanked a neighbor for helping out in a time of need? Or do you just hope they know?

If you are on medication, take the time to make a list TODAY. Make copies of the list to carry in your wallet, your purse, give to your spouse, your family members, a friend, anyone who might be able to assist emergency health care workers with important information if you are unable to speak.

Death is for the living, because the living are the ones forced into action to handle the details of death. The dead have fulfilled their obligation, while the rest of us are left to figure out how to manage and keep on living.

In memory of Martin A., son, brother, uncle, cousin, nephew, friend
March 1961 - August 3, 2007