Terrorizing News: Terrorists Recruiting in Cyberspace to Terrorize Non-Terrorists

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Intelligence sources are reporting that non-Christian, non-whites are engaging in secret activities aimed at terrorizing god-fearing, blue-eyed babies. The muslimaniacs behind this operation, nicknamed 'we hate you because you're free and we prefer a life of bondage so we are going to kill you', are using the Internet to recruit, finance and train an army of terrorists for the purposes of wreaking terrorist havoc upon god's favorite people: White American Christians.

Clearly, their inherited islamaniac evil knows no bounds. Not only do they insist on hording our valuable black, life-blood directly beneath their land and stand in the way of our sister nation's god-sanctioned expansionism, but now they are reciting evil spells from their cursed book of muslimania aimed at conjuring dead spirits and horned beasts from the depths of hell to unleash on god's Christian world.

Using our own technology against us, they have disgraced the venerable garden gnome by muslimizing him into a dwarven demon of destruction replete with all manner of Islamic genetic matter. This morbid, Mephistophelian Midget harbors within its porcelain veneer the hatred of a hundred million redskin souls courageously liberated by our pilgrim forefathers to the depths of hades many years ago.

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ATTENTION: Don't let his placid appearance fool you! This malevolent munchkin has harnessed the dark magic of many malignant, muslimaniac mages and will use his powerful rectal muscles to release a deadly terror-gas, sullying the blessed souls of pure Christian whites.

Islamanoid heralds of horror have equipped their tiny, terror troll with genetically modified hemorrhoids which secrete a poisonous liquid producing a green cloud of spores deadly only to pious, heaven-bound Christians. Al-Qaeda alchemists have forsaken honorable pursuits such as turning plain metal into beautiful gold and are shifting their focus to tapping the online gaming community. Their efforts have resulted in the recruitment of more than just a single baneful beast, many have joined the a-rab rag-head rebellion. Others topping the list of most wanted by the FBI (Federal Bureau of Incompetence) include:


The Elvin Bow-Bitch: Armed with a playboy-bunny body wrapped in sexy feathers and designer unmentionables, this vicious villainous will entangle you in her nefarious nympho web by shooting her vile arrows straight through your heart, jebus's resting place. Although the effects of her dastardly dart are mostly unknown, Christian scientists, using advanced techniques garnered from intelligent design theory, have concluded with almost near certainty that the dangerous effects may include afflictions such as: suspension of adherence to millenia-old, mostly obsolete moral standards, intentional fornication before marriage, and in severe cases, bearing offspring outside of church-sanctioned wedlock and even choosing to practice homosexuality.

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Last on the list, we have the Flaccid Fenom. This blistered, blue, behemoth was tamed by our teeming terrorist tormentors to terrify us and tarnish the omnipresent golden halo seamlessly resting above our blond Aryan domes. His two heads weighing heavily on his bloated, blue body, he is capable of directing his eyes in two different directions at once, cursing the victim with his gaze(s). Suggesting alternate ways of thinking and the broadening of ones horizons, he attempts to awaken the mind inside the sheep in god's flock, distancing us from our shepherd. This truly devious, despicable, disciple of diablo damns us to a life of deviant pursuit such as independent thought: leading to the employment of common sense and increased awareness and tolerance of others: leading to interaction with other cultures, and in extreme cases, diversion from the way of the cross (the only true God™) into the arms of hell-bound heathens (all the other religions).

*ATTENTION CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS: Pending an announcement by our beloved Commander in Thief, we urge you to order a pizza, sit on the couch and await further instructions*