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Op-Ed and Your Monthly AmaRant: PMS and a Key Board, Any Questions?

By Samantha A. Torrence     Jul 14, 2007 in Lifestyle
Its that time of month, and everyone is out to annoy you. Your husband is suddenly agreeing with everything you say. Your kids yell" AAAH the monster is coming." It's PMS time!
If you think I have been rather unpleasant lately, think again. I have been more cordial than you think! When the worst thing I say to someone who is annoying me is " do you have a reading comprehension problem?" Well that is pretty darn sweet! (I'm sorry btw lensman. Course you are used to my abuse by now). Why you may ask? Because I am one of those unfortunate women who suffer from hormonal imbalances when menstruating. Whether you want to know or not, now you do. I have PMS!! Maybe it isn't the medically accepted kind, but it is there.
Yeah I know what you are thinking...
Aggression is flowing through my veins, my eyes might even be turning red. I can feel the fangs growing in my mouth so I can tear someone's throat out. When I see stupid people walking along side of the road I catch myself wondering how many points they are worth. My hands form into fists and claws that must be carefully controlled else some unsuspecting annoyance might get a world of pain.
AAAAAAAARGH! I just want to scream. I work in the customer service industry and I have to plaster a frikken smile on my face to go to work. One hour I worked today, ONE! I wasted .8 gallons of gas for one hour!! And that was not a pleasant hour either. I am a hostess at a restaurant if you didn't know and I cannot say it is the most difficult job in the world, but it has its days. On this particular day I was given the pleasure of dealing with the most whiny set of old ladies there ever was. Our restaurant was practically empty but we were still on rotation. For those of you unfamiliar with rotation, it is a system put in place so all waitresses are efficiently utilized which benefits the patron by giving them quicker service.
10 feet. 10 frikking feet from the front of the restaurant was all it was to an empty section where a server was dying to get someone to wait on. And these little bitties have a hissy fit about walking past all those empty tables! Now ladies, you are not crippled and your stride was not that of someone who has horrible arthritis. So this says to me that you were just too damn lazy to walk. The exercise will do you good and keep you young. And don't EVER give me that look again when you ask why I sit you in that section and explain to you that we are looking out for your best interests in giving you a server who will quickly take your order. If you don't want to know, DON'T ASK.
So I get on Digital Journal and I am committed to not biting off anyone's head. I try to find humor for three days and now, now I am just spent trying to be decent. Hence the title, I have PMS and a Keyboard. I am not frikken perfect, but I am also not going to deal with BS. And no I am not going to take a break. If people can make it unpleasant for me then I feel it is only their right to have to deal with me once a month while I am being uber bitch. That being said, I have noticed I am not the only one who goes on a tiff once a month, and it isn't just women either ( you men are just as bad seriously!) So here is a truce. I'll tolerate you if you tolerate me. In that case I'll go back to trying to be civil.
Where is my chocolate and Motrin?..... grrrrrrr.
And some humor for you all
WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS
Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker that says,
"How's my driving- call 1-800-***-****."
Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
You're counting down the days until menopause.
You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday
You look in the mirror and see......
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