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article imageOp/Ed: News we’d like to see, a wish-list of headlines

By Paul Wallis     Jul 14, 2007 in
Hm. Lindsay Lohan Lesbian Love Letters. David Beckham locates door. News? Nah, not noticeably. Alliterative absurdities anal accident? Listening to the Yardbirds’ Heart Full Of Soul, I can think of a few things that might make more interesting reading:
1. Ellington and Basie return from the other world, stage jam.
2. Wanderlaugh trapped in confined space with 25,000 super models for 19 years. Feels better now.
3. Decent animation and music software falls from sky.
4. Chronic literacy on Earth.
5. Record companies eaten by giant cockroach.
6. Celebrity press incinerated in sudden outbreak of good taste.
7. Shock jocks turned into dog food.
8. Pseudo intellectuals patented as alternative to toilet paper.
9. "Academic bullies actually suppositories for cattle", says study.
10. Sycophancy banned globally.
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