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article imagePlease Move to the Back

By Tea Lulic     Jul 9, 2007 in Travel
Congratulations! You have chosen the better way. In fact, you have definitively contributed towards saving our environment. Maybe even reduced carbon emissions by a whole 15%. You have picked the Toronto's Public Transit (TTC) over your car.
More importantly: you're on your way to save our planet - well, at least in your mind. But for the love of this planet, you should have already realized that TTC is crowded. Actually, that is an underestimation. Ever since global warming came into play many people decided to toss out their car and buy one of those monthly passes to enjoy the ride. Nowadays, the TTC is overcrowded. This means that there are other people riding it along with you.
I am just trying to be friendly and give you some tips before you just blunder onto the next subway, streetcar or bus. Whatever you do, please do not look at me like that. After all, I am sure these things bug you as much as me.
Rule #1: Take off your backpack.
Yes, you with the Mount Everest bag strapped to your back. When you walk onto that bus or subway or streetcar, you take up the space that could fit at least three more people. Where are you going with that much stuff anyway? Did you decide to pack up your whole house and bring it with you? Every time you move, you smash someone right in the face. Not only that: you don't even notice it. It is like you have this big back extension to keep you protected from getting touched by others. By the way, have you been following the news lately? Someone once told me that people like you are the TTC Number 1 customer complaint.
Rule #2: Move to the back.
I find it absolutely pointless for the bus drivers to keep yelling "Please, move to the back" because their audience is a bunch of zombies who only know how to stare out the window. Last time I checked, TTC drivers do not put super glue on your shoes after you get on the bus/streetcar to make sure you do not move for the rest of the ride.
Rule #3: Turn down your iPod.
Seriously, I couldn't care less what you're listening to. I don't want to listen to your rap, techno or Nickelback. Sometimes I can't hear my own music because you blast yours off. Not to mention that the Everest man could not hear my cries when he stepped on my foot because he was listening to his beats.
Rule #4: Stop blocking the TTC door.
Is there something interesting displayed on the door of a TTC when you can't even try to move out of the way so I can enter? I mean, the TTC cars are so spacious nowadays especially in the rush hour. There is lots of room. And please do not follow the signs on the door that clearly say "Do not block the doorway." When was the last time you have checked your eyesight?
Rule #5: That is not a footrest. It is a seat.
Do you put your dirty shoes on your couch at home too and then later let someone else sit on that dirty spot? I don't think so. But hey, thanks for moving your feet. I am not interested anymore.
Rule #6: This is Bloor Station. Everyone is getting off.
Stop pushing me. I will move once the subway comes to a stop because if I let go off the handle right now, I will fly right into that woman standing there and then she will complain. Usually, trains on Bloor stop for a minute or two, so do not worry - I am sure you will get off.
Rule #7: Take your garbage with you.
Ever since they have removed those garbage bins, the trains have become a garbage waste. Do you leave the newspapers, banana peals, yogurt cups on your couch at home too? I understand that there are no garbage bins because of the potential bombs. However, here is a piece of advice for you. I've done it many times and I think you can do it too. After you're done with your food or newspapers, put it in a bag and bring it with you. Then carefully dispose it into one of the recycling bins found upstairs. I am sure you will be exiting the subway some time in the day.
Rule #8: Stop putting pets on the seat.
I understand that your little puppy, or kitty is the most adorable creature you have ever seen. But, please, you must understand that they are animals and the only place where they should be is the ground or your lap. Please understand that someone will later on sit on that seat and pick up the bacteria found on your dog/cat or maybe even ruin their clothing by picking up dog's/cat's hair.
Rule #9: I want to get on that train too.
Please pick up your speed. When those doors chime that they will close, please refrain yourself from stepping one inch from the doors. You always seem to do that! Keep moving or I am going to be forced to push you in since I am going to be late too.
Rule #10: Move when you hear 'Excuse me.'
I am not saying 'Excuse me' for you to look around and move your body even more to the middle so I can't go around you. I am saying this so you would move towards the seats so I can pass. That's all. Is this really hard to do?
Rule #11: Please, let elderly and pregnant women sit.
You are young. Elderly are fragile. If the subway moves at a high speed and they lose their balance, they will break their hip and then they won't be able to walk again. Pregnant women are carrying another human being. Do you think that is easy? So, please, allow them to sit. You can stand for a bit until the next seat becomes available or you need to get off.
Rule #12: Stop dawdling on the platform.
It is called a rush hour for a reason. If you don't know, this means thousands of people are getting off and on the train every minute. If you keep walking the way you are now, you would slow down not our TTC, but real world-class transit system.
Thank you for listening. I hope the next time we meet, we speak in TTC language.
(Credit: Dr. Grindlock)
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