So, I really do not have anything else to write about, so I figured I would tell all of you my story. What you will get is the truth. About my life. Where it has been, and where it is right now. Here you will learn about me.
This is as candid as you will ever get from me. I am writing this because in a way it is news. My news. And because I really have no other stories to post.
And because I really just need to "talk" about it all.
We will start from many years ago. I was a writer, trying hard to get published. But I was in a terrible place in my life. You see, I had serious anxiety problems.
I was a dumb teenager/20 year old or so, and I was just living life and staying out all night and just having fun. But I was dumb. I didn't take care of myself. I wouldn't eat right. And when I didn't eat enough, I would get low blood sugar and have nasty anxiety attacks that were so horrible. These led to a phobia that took over my life and stopped it at a dead halt. I didn't want to go anywhere, I always irrationally feared that while I was out and about I would have a nasty attack or 4. So I became agoraphobic. Eventually, I only lived and never went further then my front yard.
What a terrible lonely time of my life. Slowly losing hope and dying a little each day. I was alone and isolated. I wrote. I had my writing at least. Come the mid to late 90's I got online.
Long story short, I met my wonderful wife online in 1999. We fell in love. She loved me enough to overlook my problem. She didn't let it stop her from loving me.
And believe me, because of my condition, it has not been an easy life for her.
Please understand, I am NORMAL in every way. I just have had a stupid irrational mental block about going places that are away from where I live. Otherwise I am a normal everyday guy.
So, we didn't let it stop us. We each had our own strengths and weaknesses and we used them to start our own business and raise a child. At times it has been tough, because I can't do the things alot of people do. Take her out to the movies etc. God bless her for sticking with me....I know it wears on her.
So anyway, our business went great for several years. But starting that business incurred alot of debt. Still we did well. Then about a year and a half ago or so, we had several bad things hit us at once, and ever since then, things have been a major STRUGGLE to get bills paid and keep up on rent.
In fact, I just got a letter for a court date. They want their rent money or else we are going to be on the street. It comes at a terrible time. I only have a small chunk of the money to give them right now.
We are working hard as usual to do what needs to be done, but we are in a major time crunch since they want it by the 19th. No one has it to borrow etc etc.
She is so stressed out and I so often feel useless. Understand, I am not looking for pity or anything. I just need to "tell" someone and say it all. As you might imagine, I have maybe a few select friends. I used to have many, but I am kinda isolated.
On a slightly more upbeat note, over the past few months, I have been working on my problem(I wont trust drugs)and I have been practicing expanding the area in which I am comfortable with. Right now I can actually go down the block and I feel ok.
I have just been so stressed out and working so hard for a long time. I need some kind of a miracle, but I can't see one just yet. Somehow I will figure out a way, just can't see it. Just the thought of my family, with no where to go is a nightmare.
Well anyway, I don't want to bring everyone down.
So now you know the truth about me. I hope it doesn't change the way you view me.
Hopefully I can find a solution and then I can continue my work on building a future and still post stories here. First I just need to find my miracle.
