op-ed: I Have Been To The Black Hole And Returned .......With Towels

We all know that there are sock gnomes that live in the dryers of the world. Sucking the life out of a pair of socks and only allowing one to return. I have breaking news though..........the black hole houses dirty towels.

That's the only explanation I can come up with. We have a boat load of towels in our home. And yet.............bath time rolls around for the Mum and Dad...........not a clean towel on deck. But today I found the Black Hole. It's deep and it's dark. And it looks just like the floor of teenage rooms. Imagine that. Scientists have spent millions on telescopes and I figured it out with my own two eyes. I know when I mention this discovery to the kids it will be met with an eye roll or maybe even a oh yeah, I was getting to them. It doesn't matter. I have rescued those babies and washed them clean. (Since they aren't socks don't have to worry about the sock gnomes either) Our linen closet is stuffed with clean towels. Wait a sec, kids are getting home and I am going for a quick bath. Umm.........where's the towels?!?