ILLEGAL ALIENS: Ana Nicole Smith's Sorry Swan Song

Anna Nicole Smith's last film has been ballyhooed by it's distributor, MTI Home Video, saying " ILLEGAL ALIENS pokes fun at todays Hollywood and pays tribute to the so-called "bad movies"we all love to hate."

However, all the hype in the world can't hide the fact that the late Anna Nicole Smith's supposed legacy is a low budget bomb and will contribute nothing to her reputation as an actress. Not that she was much of thespian to begin with; the ditzy blonde being the only character in her severely limited repertoire. According to the film's executive producer and actor John James," At first look, ILLEGAL ALIENS appears to be just another low budget sci-fi comedy poking fun at Hollywood's big budget flicks. Now with the passing of it's star you'll find it to be replete with metaphors of her life. Anna invested in the production for her and her son, and was involved in creative aspects, adding numerous elements and rewrites for her character. This movie may just be the Abbey Road of films for Anna Nicole Smith fans." The Abbey Road of films? Hardly, John. That's because the movie stinks worse than a barrel of week old fish. The humor is of the low brow, heavy handed variety and the acting so over the top it's hard to believe the cast was actually comprised of professional actors. ILLEGAL ALIENS has the look of a low budget, backyard endeavor of a band of friends who got together on a whim and decided to make a film. The plot is about three shape shifting aliens (Anna Nicole Smith, Lenise Soren and Gladys Jimenez) who arrived on earth in1987 and since then have found work as special-effects and stunt experts on Hollywood's biggest films. In the meantime, Rex, a gangsters girlfriend, (played by ex WWF wrestler Joanie Laurer) is inhabited by an evil alien who wants to destroy the earth by creating a tractor beam which will pull the moon from it's orbit,causing it to crash into our planet. Note to Joanie Laurer:if you really want to have any kind of serious acting career and not spend the next ten or twenty years slogging away in direct to video B movies, just say no to crappy movies like this one and ditch the reality tv shows in favor of more substantial film and television roles. At one point, ILLEGAL ALIENS becomes a movie within a movie when director David Giancola and Anna Nicole Smith get into a disagreement over a scene and she's says," Who do I have to screw to get out of this movie?" Suddenly, the male crew members run towards her waving their arms. Mildly amusing, yes. Gut bustingly funny, not at all. And that by the way is the funniest scene in the movie. As this groan inducing excuse for a movie comes to a welcome end, once again it shifts to a film within a film with most of the actors quitting the movie while a few of the remaining thespians stand in front of the camera tying up the loose ends of the story line. Then adding insult to injury, the film's equally unfunny out takes are shown over the closing credits. In more talented hands ILLEGAL ALIENS could have been a very funny film. Under the leaden direction of David Giancola however, the film is an exercise in humorless tedium. If despite my review you can't wait to see this movie be forewarned:you'll find yourself looking at your watch for much of the films 93 minutes.