Are we bubblewrapping our children?

Watch out for the pervert down the street! Don't touch that door handle: it's covered in germs! I know you're 18 but I want you home by 10pm...it's too dangerous out there at night these days!

Don't do this...don't do that. This might happen! That might happen. Did you read that awful story in the paper today? Oh what's the world coming to ... it was never like this when I was a kid! Really? Is it really that much worse today? According to Michael Ungar, the writer of a new book titled Too Safe For Their Own Good things aren't that much worse at all. In researching for his book, Ungar decided to review national statistics on the issues parents fear most, such as assaults, drug and alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy and kidnapping. He couldn't find any evidence that today's children face more risks than earlier generations. So why are we "bubble-wrapping" our kids these days and what's the effect of possibly over-protecting them from real or perceived dangers? Most likely, the issue isn't that there's that much more to be scared of out there but that thanks to the media, horror stories are in our faces almost as soon as they happen. After all Jack the Ripper and others like him have been around for eons. Even when Paul Bernado and Karla Homolka made headlines more than 10 years ago, the details of their horrid crimes weren't blasted all over the net and on tv in seconds. That's what's changed i.e. not so much the amount of crimes and the perversion out there, but the immediacy with which it is all reported...and not just once, but over and over, update after update. Just look what is happening here at DJ? I don't think I've ever read as many awful things in a year as I can now read here in one day! So what's this constant reminder of the danger beyond our front door doing to us? It's making us paranoid, fearful, perhaps overly so, for both for ourselves and for our children. So you ask, what's wrong with that? After all, as parents, isn't it our job to look out for our kids? Of course it is, but it's now reaching a point where we might just be going too far in the other direction. I've said it before and I'll say it again: life and experience are the greatest teachers. How on earth is a child to grow and learn to make decisions for themselves if we don't let them? How can they learn from their mistakes if they don't make mistakes?

The problem is that kids and teens need to experience certain rites of passage to help them grow and mature," Ungar says. "I remember talking to this teenage boy who was in jail for property offence and drugs, and he was bragging to me that he'd done this in the same way he would brag about climbing a mountain.

"I found out he'd really had no opportunity to grow up, so his opportunity to take chances was through substance abuse.

So there's an irony: by "bubble-wrapping" our kids in an attempt to protect them from danger, we may actually be pushing them into danger. It's only natural for kids to ask questions, be curious, want to know if they can climb to the top of that tree, or what it would be like to stay out all night.

Ungar makes it clear he is talking about kids and teens who come from safe homes where they live comfortable lives. Yet for some, that comfort can mutate into growing up troubled or addicted or maybe just hiding in the safety of their parents' homes far into their adult lives. Ungar suggests that much of it is because parents have taken away their child's opportunity to mature and feel good about themselves.

And now, let's think of the real "dangers" out there. It's well known for instance, that sexual molestation, rape, incest etc are taking place in the so-called "safety" of our homes. It's not the strangers we need to worry about as much as the smiling, loving relative who hugs your pre-pubescent daughter just a bit too tight. Here's more:

The majority of child kidnappings are committed by parents or guardians, not strangers.

When it comes to injuries or deaths, falls (mostly in the home) account for nearly half of all hospitalizations of children under the age of 14.

Between 1994 and 2003, an average of 390 children per year aged 14 and under died due to severe falls. Another 25,500 were hospitalized yearly, some with serious, lifelong disabilities. Twenty per cent of those children hospitalized as a result of a fall suffered a traumatic brain injury.

Yet parents rank injuries in the home as the 5th most dangerous thing their childen face. It's a good thing that the media is keeping us aware of what's happening out there but at the same time, parents need to find a balance between real and other dangers if their children are to grow into confident human beings who can look after themselves. After all, mommy and daddy won't be around forever and it's totally impossible to protect them from everything. No wonder some kids feel stifled and rebellious if they can't do this and can't do that. That feeling is going to cause more problems than less. I remember reading when my little ones were young that if they ask to do something I don't really want them to do, before I say "no" consider this: if I let them do this, is it a life or death matter? Can they be physically or mentally hurt by doing this? Will they hurt others by doing so? If the answer to those questions is "no" then why not let them do it? So when my Kim asked if she could dye her hair red at age 14 and wanted to wear oversized men's clothes she found at the Salvation Army or Amity second hand stores because that was what the "cool" crowd were wearing, though I cringed inside, I let her do it. She looked awful and I wasn't comfortable walking down the street with her, but I knew she had to find out the consequences of her decision herself. That phase lasted a year but it passed as suddenly as it arrived. She hasn't turned into a neat freak but now it's me who's amused by what she does with her own little 4-year-old, my grand-daughter: Samantha had to use a public washroom recently. As I led her out of the washroom she reached for the doorknob, hesitated, ran and took piece of paper towel, then proceeded to open the door with the paper towel in her hand. When I asked why she was doing that, she told me "Mommy says the handle is covered in germs!" Well that may be true but I never knew that when my girls were young. I remember them playing in the sandpit, feeding each other shovels of sand. What might have been in that sand? Bird droppings? Cat urine? Oddly enough they both grew up healthy despite opening doors with their hands and not knowing the dangers of doing so. Here's another analogy: look what the overuse of antibiotics is causing? Anti-biotic resistent bugs. Exposure helps strengthen the immune system, not weaken it. By the same token, not shielding our children from every danger out there, not keeping them sealed safely at home in bubble-wrap will help them develop their own defenses. While we need to be vigilant, we also need to be aware that things aren't really that much more dangerous today: we're just more aware of the dangers. If you have time, read the article attached to this post. It raises other interesting points. But in the meantime, what do you think? Are we bubble-wrapping our kids and protecting them too much? And for that matter, would you even know if you were doing so? I look forward to your responses.