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article imageThe Hidden Secrets of the Staff Identities

By Bob Norman     Mar 4, 2007 in Entertainment
A probing, insightful and totally satirical study of the hidden faces behind the words,"Digital Journal Staff".
We've all seen them in our posts. Sometimes they show up to help guide new members on the straight and narrow,sometimes to chastise us for our sins. They go by the generic name of "Digital Journal Staff" but I started to wonder just what lies behind that moniker. This wouldn't be easy.
Quickly dismissing such silly ideas as asking who they are,the answers couldn't be trusted,I set out to set such a diabolical trap that they couldn't help but reveal themselves. My first idea was to cut and paste the entire Book of Genesis from the bible and claim it as my own story but I was afraid they might see through that shallow facade. I knew the only way to be sure of their involvement was to post wild rumors as news knowing they'd have no choice but to respond. And so the plan began!
Trap story #1: Chris Hogg is actually a client of Hair Club for Men.
I thought for sure they would jump in to protect the reputation of their leaders hair,but I was wrong. I waited and waited for a response but none came. All I could figure was that they either didn't care about their leaders silky mane or the years of abuse and low pay had deadened their senses. I knew I'd have to take it up a notch.
Trap story #2: The Staff at Digital Journal are actually hyper-intelligent cyber monkeys programmed and controlled by Alex Chumak.
This story was trouble from the beginning. After I posted it I realized that it might be true. Alex was certainly brilliant enough to create a race of super cyber-simians to watch over us lowly bloggers. There's no way the apes would be foolish enough to reveal their existence. Slave monkeys probably violate some arcane Canadian law! Once again my hopes were dashed. I knew the only hope I had left was to go for all the marbles and drop my super story!
Trap story #3: Digital Journal is actually owned and operated by Microsoft and Chris is actually Bill Gates love child!
The trap is set and now I wait. There's no way they can let slander like this go unanswered. Soon the truth will be revealed and the name of Wolfman2001 will be held up with the greats of investigative journalism. Watch out Geraldo Rivera!
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