By Digital Journal Staff
We must be nuts, giving Sony’s PlayStation 3 Digital Journal's dreaded Lemon Award. The world’s most powerful game console? How can we say such a thing?
We can and we will. Here’s why the PS3 slurps the proverbial monkey choda: As cool as its features are, the PS3 is just not worth the dough. At a minimum of $550, it costs more than a date with Paris Hilton including happy finish, and what do you get for it?
A pretty ho-hum gaming experience (but at least no herpes). Yeah, it’s got some power under the hood. But with PS3’s fancy new processor, motion-sensitive controllers and other techno-tweaks, game developers can’t keep up with the hardware. As a result, there’s nothing really worthwhile to play. Until developers master that learning curve, you’re going to see a pretty mediocre title wave for the next couple of years.
But, but …it’ll get better soon, right? Won’t it, mister? Don’t bet the farm on it, Timmy.
Recently, Sony exec Phil Harrison told MTV that the current crap — er, crop — of games are using “less than half” of the system’s potential. Incredibly, he admitted that “nobody will ever use 100 per cent of its capability.” That’s about as reassuring as an Israel-Hamas peace treaty.
And the problems don’t end there. The PS3 has more backwards-compatibility issues than Kris Kross’ tuxedo tailor. (Yeah, the references are getting obscure now. Wanna fight about it?) Although Sony promised full PS1 and PS2 compatibility on the system, so far it’s proven buggier than Microsoft Windows ME (Beta).
It’s laughable how cocky Sony has become, despite the PS3’s flaws. Ian Jackson, director of Sony Computer Entertainment Canada, declared certain victory at the product launch: “We’ve won the console war already.” Oh really? According to American Technology Research, PS3s are still in stock in many stores, while Nintendo's Wii has sold out.
Blame the merely modest boost in PS3's graphics quality, which doesn’t warrant the wallet drainage. The only game really worth playing so far is
Resistance: Fall of Man (Sony’s version of
Gears of War), and sports games can be summed up in a three-letter declaration of indifference — meh.
You also have to register if you want to play online. Big deal, right? But it can be a pain if you don’t have a USB keyboard handy — typing your particulars with a controller is as efficient as trying to operate a camera with your mouth and developing the pictures inside your rectum.
We’re not the first to speculate that Sony’s me-too product was created primarily to hype its Blu-ray player (which we correctly identified as B.S. in our last issue). Consumers don’t really want or need a Blu-ray drive right now, yet Sony’s foisting it on them.
At least, they’re trying to — and not very well. During the holiday shopping season, the PS3 was woefully undersupplied in toy stores across North America, leading to impromptu kiddie campouts on city sidewalks and more than a few reported gunpoint robberies. Thanks to Soviet-style shortages, Sony only sold 197,000 units in November 2006, falling far short of their goal of 400,000, according to NPD Group. Meanwhile, Nintendo’s Wii managed to win critical acclaim while shipping 476,000 units. And Microsoft’s Xbox 360 gave gamers mind-blowing visuals and online play a year before the PS3 launch.
To top it off, since their Blu-ray diode shortfall meant a delayed release for Europe and Australia, Christmas was pretty much ruined for lil’ Jean-Pierre and lil’, umm…Dingo Dundee. That is, assuming they wanted PS3s for Christmas. Which they shouldn’t have. Because it sucks.
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