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Review: Archer: ‘Archer Vice: Smuggler’s Blues’ (season 5, episode 7) (Includes first-hand account)

Most importantly, it features another strong character moment, this time from Malory, who has been more or less the most self-interested character of the show since the beginning of time.

At the beginning, after a hilarious few seconds of Lana practicing motherhood by feeding cocaine on a spoon to a bib-wearing Pam, we are quickly acquainted with the group’s current cocaine situation — of the one tonne they started with, they are down to 1718 lbs, which means they’ve lost about 500 lbs so far and have made a grand total of no money from it.

After Malory said last week that Sterling wasn’t good for much, she seemingly continues in this mindset by saying that she can’t trust him to sell any of their stash, and saying that she’ll focus on getting Cherlene a record deal, since Sterling can’t possibly mess that up.

We are then thrown to a plane, and the news that Sterling, Cyril and Ray are heading to Colombia in an attempt to find the local drug kingpin, La Madrina.

As per usual, Sterling proves to be both completely inept and brilliant at the same time. After accidentally alerting local paramilitarios to his plan to sell the cocaine, he quickly takes several out, though he then makes the additional mistake of trusting Cyril to finish the job.

Before long, the three are face-to-face with La Madrina, who may be the first woman that is too much for Sterling’s sexual appetite. To make matters worse, she turns out to be an undercover cop, and the end of the episode sees the three former ISIS men being carted off to jail.

Back at the mansion, we are treated to a variety of minor fun, such as yet another elaborately stupid Archer voice mail prank, Malory asking Lana if she was formerly a man, and more on why Krieger has cameras observing the whole house.

When Lana and Malory realize that something is wrong, Malory asks Lana to go and rescue Sterling, Cyril and Ray, but this time, something is very different. For the first time, Malory isn’t sternly ordering Lana — she’s pleading, with tears in her eyes. It’s a strange moment for the show, and a reflection that Malory has lost a lot since the beginning of this season — ISIS, the headquarters and her husband. The thought of her losing her only son is clearly too much for her to bear.

What will happen next is anyone’s guess, but Sterling’s constant wonder if La Madrina owns a tiger will probably lead to Archer meeting one sooner rather than later, especially if the opening trailer is any indication.

Lines that made the episode

“That’s how Len Koenecke died.” // “Who?” // “Who. Typical.”

“My baby’s not gonna be a coke addict.” // “Wow.” // “Oh, I’m sorry. What would you call it?” // “Cocaine enthusiast?”

“All babies should be drowned? Not all babies, just baby people.”

“Goddamn Latin. I just feel like such a tourist.”

“Then what is the point of all of these?” // “About two grand a month on the GILF cam.”

“If we get out of this, I swear to God the first thing I’m going to do is–” // “If you say buy a tiger, we will beat you to death with your own shoes.”

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